literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
