Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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