i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize