When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
