Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
