y did u give ur computer a hand job?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
