i don't plan on having that self control this summer
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
