we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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