Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize