Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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