drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
