dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
