do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
