My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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