whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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