This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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