Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
