Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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