she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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