I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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