my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
