he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
