yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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