she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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