Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
