This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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