i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
