Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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