I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
