I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
