Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
