I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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