im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize