He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
