Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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