Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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