I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You may now shotgun with the bride
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
