I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
