Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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