hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didn't notice because vodka
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
