i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
