Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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