When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize