When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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