I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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