Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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