12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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