btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize