how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize