Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
