So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
