the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she smelled like a LAN party
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
