She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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