weddingsv make me drug and hornr
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
