I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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