How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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