ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
