omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
