This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
