i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
