Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We have started to decorate penises.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Randomize
