I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
