Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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