I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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