Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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