Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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