You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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