theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
