i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
