how can u be prego again
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
