No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
