I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
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