So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
