my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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