Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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