Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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