Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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