Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
