Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
