Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
