Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
