dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
