he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
