I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
