Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
