i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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