My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
