You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
