If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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