Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
