Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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