Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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