just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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