I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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