We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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