it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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