i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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