If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
is wine microwaveable?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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