i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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