so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
