Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
