Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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