i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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