well I can't set my house on fire every night
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
