I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
