$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
