Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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