my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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