It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
