Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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