So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
