And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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