i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
