I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
