So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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