I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
