At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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