I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
